I live with schizophrenia. My parents refused to get me treatment when I was a kid and it got even worse when I was homeless. When you have a safe place to live, the paranoia is still there, but when you’re out on the street you don’t have a safe zone. We had to find places to put our tent where nobody else would go.
It’s hard to live with paranoid thoughts all the time, but it’s especially hard when your homeless. When I was homeless I had a lot of sleepless nights, fearful someone would come into my tent to hurt me. That’s a valid fear in that situation, but the paranoia made it even worse.
Not everybody can stay in overnight shelters. I wouldn’t wish the Nashville Rescue Mission on my worst enemy. I couldn’t stay there because of my paranoia. Shelters are not always the safest place for people like me because it made my symptoms worse.
When I was homeless I was without mental health care for a while. I ended up going to the Behavioral Care Center (BCC) twice for psychotic breaks. They kept me for 30 days, and it was helpful. They got me on regimented medicine that got me doing pretty good there. Usually I don’t talk in groups, but I could talk in groups there. They got me my social security the second time I was in there. The SOAR program through Park Center came in and interviewed me and I got disability about two months later when I got out. I got health insurance and I don’t have psychotic breaks anymore. Medication doesn’t fix everything but it has helped me so much.
I’ve now been in housing for a while, which has helped me a lot. There was a time when we first moved into our home that I wouldn’t even take my shoes off to sleep because I was so afraid we would get kicked out at any minute. It took me at least a year until I was able to put any pictures on the walls or curtains on the windows because in the past every time we’d gotten comfortable, we ended up back on the streets. It’s still a fear, but not as much.
Some people don’t understand that being homeless is traumatic. People are quick to judge. Not everybody on the street is a drug addict or alcoholic. Don’t judge somebody just because they’re homeless. If you don’t have insurance Mental Health Coop can help you. They even helped me with transportation. It’s been on my mind recently how much of a struggle this was for me and I’m always thinking about how far I’ve come to feel safe in my home.