It’s been several years since Vanessa passed and it’s been a struggle day by day. Jelly Roll just put out a song called, “I’m not OK” that fits the feeling perfectly. It hits so close to home for anyone who has lost someone they were close to. I want to keep Vanessa’s memory alive and I know a lot of vendors knew her and loved her so I want to make sure they remember her.
I don’t know what some people do in this situation. It’s been a struggle day by day for me. I look at her Facebook page every once in a while. We had a cat named Camelot that her aunt now takes care of. I still keep in contact with her family and that also helps keep her memory alive.
I just don’t know how my grandfather lasted as long as he did. He waited 4 years after my grandmother passed and they were married over 30 years. I know he took it hard.
Vanessa loved life so much. She would give someone the shirt off her back. I saw her do it. She never met a stranger, she really didn’t. If she liked you she liked you and if she didn’t she didn’t. There was no in between with her. If she liked you she’d do anything to help you. And if she didn’t, she’d avoid you like the plague. She was very active in our church. We were always helping with Room in the Inn in the winter. I don’t know how else to explain it, but she just loved people. And not just people, but she loved animals. When we were selling hot dogs downtown and she’d see a dog go by, she’d want to go pet them. She tried helping everyone she could.
We met in 2012. Her husband Randy passed away in 2016 and for a while there she was lost. We ran back into each other in 2017 and were together in June and she passed away December 7, 2017.
If you’re going through grief, I suggest you find a support group. Be it a church or a trusted friend. Find someone you can go to at all hours. No one is ever alone when it comes to grief. I thought for a while there I was alone, and then my church stepped in and told me they didn’t care if something was going on, to call them if I needed something.
It’s rough, but I’m getting through it day by day. You have your good days and your bad, but even then, your good days are never that good. You’ve got to get support. That’s the only way you’ll get through this is support. Sometimes grief counseling helps, sometimes it doesn’t. The first two weeks after she died I stayed drunk, but after that I said, “Nope, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t turn into an alcoholic.” So I picked myself back up and went to work.
I just want people who knew her to keep her memory alive. Even if that’s talking with others who knew her, or taking a day to just go hey this day’s for her. That might mean doing something for others or listening to someone talk or helping someone with food.