Robert Louis Stevenson’s novella “Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” was published in 1886. It’s a story of a man who wants to be upstanding and moral, but doesn’t feel he can meet his own needs and goals acting that way. So he becomes another self. Somebody who can take what he wants and simply react from rage or desire. And then he finds the second-self takes over. And I think we’ve all got some Jekyll and we’ve all got some Hyde. And I think the thing that makes the shadow grow isn’t the size of the desire. I think it’s the secrecy, the need to cover things up, Scorpio. Before you take another swig of that potion, what if you just told somebody how you’re actually feeling and what you actually want? Maybe both parts of you could learn to stay together.
SAGITTARIUS
One of the best episodes of Star Trek the Next Generation is “The Inner Light” from 1992. It’s the one where Captain Picard gets zapped unconscious by a mysterious autonomous probe. What nobody on the crew can see, is that the zapped-captain is internally experiencing a whole new life. In his mind he begins as a young man on a strange planet, he learns their ways, practices a trade, raises a family, studies the flute, ages and experiences death. He participates in a life story that is the final message of a dying culture. “We existed.” We all get to live a story this beautiful, Sagittarius, but only once. Pay attention to the one you’re in. Let’s see what’s out there.
CAPRICORN
Where did it all go wrong, Capricorn? I’d like to propose a theory. I think it was instant oatmeal. The day we decided it was too much trouble to put some oats into boiling water on the stove and wait five minutes for them to get tender was the day we lost the plot. Don’t get me wrong, I’m currently eating a bowl of apple-cinnamon-smush that just came out of the microwave. And I’m driving to work. And I’m writing this on my phone at a stoplight. We’ve all got more things to do than can fit in a day. And maybe you can’t beat that this week. But maybe you can find a half hour to make some oatmeal the slow way and sit and eat it without looking at a screen. Gotta go, Capricorn. Somebody with a bottled yogurt smoothie is honking at me.
AQUARIUS
At the end of my street there’s a huge maple tree. It stretches out over the intersection, branches hanging just under the power lines, and I think that tree is trying to tell me something. You see, it takes sunlight and water and turns them into leaves. And this time of year, those leaves all turn a deep, uniform orange. And then the orange leaves fall into the yard and street and gutters. And I think that tree wants me to drop my leaves too. It seems to be recommending that everything I do or think or make, even as beautiful as all that can be, was made to be shared and then shed. Your leaves are amazing, Aquarius, but what even better things might happen if you go ahead and drop them.
ARIES
One of the best episodes of Star Trek the Next Generation is “Darmok” from 1991. It’s the one where Captain Picard is stranded on a strange planet alongside an alien of an unknown species. First they fight. Then they realize they’re both in the same predicament, they just can’t understand each other. The stranger only speaks in memetic-metaphors, pieces of stories from his own culture that can’t be understood by Picard. “Darmok and Gilad at Tinagra,” the stranger attempts to convey, “Temba, his arms open.” Picard is baffled at first, but once he learns the stranger’s stories, he can understand these images. Sometimes, Aries, you think a friend needs words of encouragement. But maybe they just want to know that you heard their stories and you understand where they’re coming from. Take your time and make it so.
TAURUS
My uncle lives out on the edge of town. I go out there sometimes because it’s easier to see the stars. This time of year, his front yard is full of wild turkeys every morning. They’re pretty impressive, honestly, I can see why Ben Franklin wanted them to be our national bird. When they get competitive and spread out their tail-feathers it’s every bit of an epic display as any Sri Lankan peacock. I bring this up, Taurus, because I think you’ve been keeping your feathers a little tucked-in lately. And I know, you think it’s no big deal what you can do. But I don’t think it’s showing off, I think it’s sharing. When you spread your gifts, it helps other people know that they can too. Gobble-Gobble.
PISCES
Listen, Pisces, I grew up in a time when Godzilla attacks were much more common, so I know what to do. The first mistake people make is to run. That just gets you out in the streets where you’re more likely to be hit by a fleeing car or a falling helicopter. The best thing you can do is stay put. Most buildings don’t get smashed, so probability is on your side. Just get to a low floor and get under a table or desk to avoid debris. Sure, Godzilla is scary, but he always makes his way back out to sea. It’s the same with the Godzillas inside of you. They feel so big and you want to run away. But if you can stay put. Get low. Wait. Those Godzillas always pass, too.
GEMINI
One of the best episodes of Star Trek the Next Generation is “The Best of Both Worlds” from 1990. It’s the one where Captain Picard gets abducted by the Borg, a terrifying race of half-machine-half flesh beings that share a single hive-mind. They’re only drive is to assimilate everyone. They turn Picard into one of them, covering him in flock cameras and usb-c ports. The rest of the crew must fight to get him back and bring him back to himself. You might feel like the people in your life have been assimilated into something strange and not worth saving. You might think their views and positions have earned them their fate. But what if you can help them find a way back to humanity? Welcome them in and pushback gently. Resistance can seem futile, but I think it’s necessary.
CANCER
OK, push it back just a little bit…good, now a tap to the right…that’s too far, go back to the left a little…good, maybe a liiittle further back? Perfect! Now drop the claw! Go ahead, Cancer, you’ve been adjusting this claw machine joy-stick for 20 minutes already. Eventually you have to hit the button, watch the claw come down and miss whatever you’re trying to grab by just a fraction of an inch. I’m not saying you aren’t great at this. You are. But you have to hit that button. Let whatever happens happen. And if you don’t get what you wanted, put in another 3 tokens and try again. That’s the important part.
LEO
I’m afraid I’ve gotten in too deep on this project at work, Leo. I said I’d have it all done by Thursday but maybe I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. So far I’ve emptied all the boxes, arranged the VHS tapes into alphabetical piles, broken the boxes down and then realized I need to use the boxes for the next part. Yes, I overcommitted. And there’s no way I’ll finish this week. And what I’m learning, Leo, is that when I come to the realization that I need more time, that’s the moment I should ask for it. Don’t wait till Thursday, Leo. If you’re in too deep, let somebody know.
VIRGO
One of the best episodes of Star Trek the Next Generation is the series finale, “All Good Things…” from 1994. It’s the one where Captain Picard becomes unstuck in time. His reality drifts from his first mission with The Enterprise, to a distant future where he has settled down on his family vineyard, and then back to the present. In all of these timelines, he’s working to solve the same problem. Sometimes I worry that I haven’t gotten very far, Virgo. That no matter how far I move through my life, I’m still just fighting the same internal adversaries. The same indefatiguable tendencies. And a life is a life’s work, Virgo. Just because you fought this pattern last week, last year, last decade, doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Everytime you get back into it, and acknowledge what’s in your way, it’s a victory. Engage.
LIBRA
Do you like my new living room artwork? I call it “Dog-Tail Knocked Over the Hot-Sauce Bottle” Oil and Spices on Family Heirloom Rug. I think I’ll just leave it on display here on the floor for a couple more months until the public has had a chance to see it. Sometimes there’s a mess, Libra. And sometimes the best thing to do with a mess is decide that it’s beautiful. I like the way each droplet sort of mists-outward in a majestic spray pattern across the fabric. What’s beautiful about the mess you made this week?
Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a registered ambassador to the Ferengi, or a trained Starfleet captain. Want more? Visit mrmysterio.com Or just give him a call at 707-VHS-TAN1.
