I overheard a conversation today between two strangers who were listing all the things they’d do if they didn’t have to work. They talked about all the volunteering they would do. All the new skills they would master. One said they would take food to all the hungry people in town. The other said they’d become a pro-bono therapist. I think that’s amazing, Virgo. But I’m afraid if I didn’t have to work I would just sit at home and distract myself with movies and video games and hypothetical politics. What would you do, Virgo? It doesn’t have to be something great for the world, but it should at least feed your soul. Why don’t you do a little bit of that this afternoon?
LIBRA
So, hey, Libra. You probably noticed that I ate the plums that were in your fridge. Thanks for buying those, by the way. But I wanted you to know that they were, honestly, kinda mid. The two small ones were so mealy that I threw them out after a couple of bites and, while that bigger pale one was pretty juicy, I think it was a few days past its peak and the flavor was a little off. I know you were looking forward to those but there are better plums out there. And I think you deserve better plums.
SCORPIO
Could you step over here, Scorpio? It’s just, well, I don’t want to embarrass you, but you’ve got the most pronounced cowlick on the right side of your head. Maybe I could just flatten it out a little bit…no that’s not gonna work. That’s one very persistent lock of hair. Maybe if you went over to the sink and ran some water through it? Sometimes, Scorpio, there are things about us that stick out in ways we wish they wouldn’t. And maybe today instead of trying to mash them down and comb them over, you could just let that be who you are.
SAGITTARIUS
Remember a couple of weeks ago when you were feeling sad and I told you we should go on a walk sometime and talk and then I just never followed-up? I guess I thought you were feeling better and I got real busy doing all the things I do to keep from noticing how I feel and we just didn’t talk much about it after that. Anyway, Sagittarius, I hope it’s the case that late is better than never, because I’d still like to take that walk if you’re up for it. Even if you don’t go with me, it might be a good week to go with somebody.
CAPRICORN
So what’s your take on the whole situation we’ve got going on lately? You know the one everybody’s had so much to say about this week? I was just wondering what a Capricorn perspective on that might be. I mean, even if you’re not comfortable speaking for all Capricorns, I just thought you could say what you’re thinking about all this. But let’s not stop there, Capricorn, the general situation is only worth talking about if it’s a warm-up for talking about your very specific situation. And mine. Now it’s not a discourse, it’s a conversation.
AQUARIUS
Alright, so I finished the laundry and emailed the vet and oiled the door hinge and called the guy who’s selling the fishtank and I raked the compost and moved the boxes off the porch. And now I think my to-do list is…well, I think it’s done, Aquarius. And I know I should feel great about that, but, honestly, it’s pretty terrifying. Now it’s just my thoughts and the brevity of the future as it moves toward me. Getting caught up can be concerning, Aquarius, but I encourage you to let those feelings come. Before you add another item to another list, find out how you’re feeling.
PISCES
I just started watching season 3. I’m a couple of episodes in and, honestly Pisces, I’m a little lost. It’s just been so long since they released season 2 and now they’re bringing in characters we haven’t seen since, like, the 3rd episode of season 1 and I don’t remember how these characters are related or why they hate each other so much. It’s kind of exhausting. I like it better when they do a little “previously on…” at the beginning. Just a few scenes to get me caught up and oriented. Similarly, Pisces, you might be forgetting how you ended up in these rooms with these people. It might be a good time to do a little recap of what’s happened so far. You might remember where you’d rather be.
ARIES
When do you feel the most in-charge of your present moment, Aries? Like what are the moments that make you feel in-control? Is it when you’re at work? Or when you’re in the car on the way to work listening to whatever you want and singing along? Or is it when you get home from work and you take off your shoes and the rest of your day is wide open? How could you bring that feeling to more parts of your day, Aries? You can start with an easy one. Close your eyes for a moment and know that you are in charge of what you do next.
TAURUS
They sent me an invitation to your retirement party, Taurus. It seems a little early to me, but I guess you know what you’re doing. I mean, maybe you’ve done what you came here to do, but I’d like to encourage you to keep going. If not in that direction, then at least in some direction that fills you up and makes you feel connected to the world you’re in.
GEMINI
I heard you’re getting the band back together, Gemini. I really didn’t see that one coming. You said you’d never work together again. That you didn’t even want to see each other any more. And now you’re booking tour dates and talking about another album? I’m all for reconciliation, Gemini, and I think getting past our differences is always worthwhile. But I want to make sure you’re doing this for yourself and not for appearances or money or guilt. Just because you forgave each other doesn’t mean you have to pretend it never went wrong. Anyway, Gemini, here’s Wonderwall.
CANCER
As the laser-shield demolishes the last of my hit-points, and I watch my teammates succumb one by one to the sonic-grenades and poisoned-arrows of the opposition, I hear our team leader speak through my headset. It’s clear that his 2 months of 8th grade have brought him more wisdom than could be anticipated and he tells our defeated party “Good practice round, guys.” So I pass that on to you, Cancer, with all the gravity and frivolity it implies. Good practice round. Now let’s get back in there and make another run at victory.
LEO
I like clean socks and I cannot lie, Leo. Sometimes I get halfway through the day and I put on a fresh pair. Then I get another quarter through the day and I change those out for another. I’m not too paranoid about things being dirty, I just like the way it feels to put on a clean pair of freshly laundered socks. Anyway, Leo, you’ve been walking through some hard things lately and I think we both know you aren’t quite near the end. But that doesn’t mean you can’t sit down and change your socks. It might make the road feel a little less unending.
Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained hairstylist, or a registered therapist. Listen to the Mr. Mysterio podcast at mrmysterio.com Or just give him a call at 707-VHS-TAN1
