Hoboscopes: November 8, 2023

SCORPIO

Don’t look now, Scorpio, but I think the sun’s down again. That can’t be right, can it? I mean, didn’t it just come up a few hours ago? Somebody definitely needs to look into this. In the meantime, Scorpio, I guess it’s a good time to follow the sun’s lead. If you’re tired and you don’t absolutely have to be up there shining, go ahead and take a break. The Stars say they’ll cover for you until you get back.

SAGITTARIUS

We’re getting to the last couple months of the year, which can only mean one thing, Sagittarius. I have to use my vacation days before they expire. I just checked in with my boss at Wandering Hills Supervideo and Tan. He says I’ve still got two vacation days left! It makes sense, because I started the year with three and I used one back in June when I had to go to the ER because of the thing with the staple gun. Anyway, Sagittarius, is there anything you’ve been putting off? Anything you’re waiting for the perfect time to do? I think this is it.

CAPRICORN

I wish we could just settle all this with a footrace like we used to, Capricorn. We’d stand at the line in the sidewalk and your sister would shout, “On your mark! Get set…Go!” and we’d take off running till one of us crossed the bricks in front of the Talley’s house. And by then, whatever it was we’d been upset about was settled. I think all we needed was the run. But now it seems so much more crucial who’s right and who’s wrong. Next time things heat up, Capricorn, just head out to the sidewalk and see how fast you can get to the end of the block. By the time you land it will matter a little less.

AQUARIUS

Lawn furniture is tricky, Aquarius. For instance, I thought this chair looked extra comfortable, but as I sank down into it, I discovered the thick cushion was soaked with this morning’s rainwater. Now my pants are, too. We’re not always right about which experiences are going to be the most comfortable, Aquarius. I don’t think that should stop us from trying new things, but I think it should encourage us to be more resilient when everything goes squishy. I’m gonna see if that hammock is a little dryer.

PISCES

Turns out I have a couple of unused vacation days that are about to expire. What do you think I should do with them, Pisces? If I tack them on to a weekend I’d have four days off in a row! I could go just about anywhere with four days! Rome! London! Bangkok! I could get there just in time to turn around and come right back home. Hmm. Maybe a road trip would be better. Albuquerque! Raleigh! Akron! But I’d have to pay for gas, hotels, and roadside tchotchkes. Hmm. Maybe it’s another staycation this year, Pisces. Maybe that’s just what we need. A little time at home with nothing to do. How about you practice for an hour and tell me how it goes.

ARIES

Do you remember that thing where people would write a web address on a dollar bill and if you went to the website and put in the serial number of the bill you could see all the places that dollar had been? Was this real? Am I making this up? Anyway, Aries, I was thinking about that today and it made me think of you. Because you’ve made such a difference to so many people in so many places. If there was a website where you could see a map of all the places that are better because of you I think you’d be amazed. As it is, you’ll just have to take my word for it.

TAURUS

They put a mural on that old building where you used to lean your bike while you got a drink from the spigot on the wall. It’s a picture of two hands reaching for each other and it says “community nourishes” written in pastel peach script with peacock feathers behind it. It’s nice, I guess. They got rid of the spigot when that influencer-consulting office went in. and I was thinking, Taurus, about how good the water tasted and how it’s hard to find anything that nourishing out here lately. But we do have to keep looking. Get back on your bike. You’re not far from the real thing.

GEMINI

I took a few days off work for a little mini-staycation. Honestly, Gemini, it’s been a while since I’ve had so little to do. Of course, it’s easy to fill the space up. I’ve got plenty of video games, streaming subscriptions, and unread open browser tabs that could keep me occupied well-past the weekend. But I do enough staring at screens in my regular life. I know it sounds crazy, but what if I went for a walk, Gemini? What if I left my phone and my earbuds on the kitchen counter and just went around the block. I’m a little nervous about it, but I’ll tell you what, Gemini. I’ll go if you go. We can countdown from 10 and then head out the door. Ready? 10, 9, 8…

CANCER

Could you do me a favor, Cancer. I’m having a hard time coming up with anything universally deep or vaguely introspective to write for you this week, so I may need you to do it for yourself. I’m serious. I want you to get out that notebook you stopped writing in last spring and I need you to write for 20 minutes. Just anything you’re thinking about. Do it again tomorrow. Try it for four days in a row. After that, I think you’ll know more about your situation than I can guess here anyway.

LEO

There’s an app on your phone with a filter that makes you look exactly like your greatest fear. I don’t know how they did it, Leo, but it works on almost everybody. I don’t recommend it. In fact, I just wrote a one star review in the app store. Mostly I just don’t think most people need to face that kind of thing if they’re not ready. It’s different for you though, Leo. Because you know your fears can’t hurt you. Not really. You know when you’re looking at a fiction. Don’t forget.

VIRGO

So I guess that was my whole staycation. Four days at home alone trying not to work and now it’s time to get back to the grind. Somehow I thought it would be more…radically life changing? Maybe we pin too many hopes on short-term plans, Virgo. Maybe getting away from reality never really changes reality. So what can we do if we want bigger, lasting change in our lives? I think a lot of it is community, Virgo. A few days hiding out at home alone is one thing, but a daily practice of interacting with the people we love might get us a little further. I’m gonna call my sister on the way to work. What are you gonna do, Virgo?

LIBRA

Sometimes I wish my life was more like my favorite TV shows. Not for the tragedy, stress, drama, or violence, of course. That all seems very stressful. Mostly, I just want more sudden explanatory flashbacks. Like when I wonder why I am the way I am, it would be nice to just cut to a flashback scene of the moment when I became that way. Instead I just have my faulty memories and the stories I tell myself. I guess the past can only do so much to explain the present, Libra. Instead of wishing for an explanation, I think we should both focus on what we can do with this present moment.