If I get outside early in the morning before it gets too hot, I might see a hummingbird sipping on my jasmine flowers. They really seem to enjoy the imported delicacy. And I usually get a brief moment of appreciating the beauty of the soft hovering lightning that brightly-colored bird brings to my porch. And then, without fail, I think “I should take a picture.” So I reach in my pocket for my phone and before I can get the screen unlocked the bird darts away. Now I’m disappointed and regretting that I didn’t move more subtly. And I’ve missed half the moment that I could have had if I’d just stayed still. The less you try to capture these perfect moments, Gemini, the more of them you get to keep.
CANCER
I didn’t plant any tomatoes this year. I just couldn’t get myself to do it. I pulled up a few weeds and threw down some marigold seeds, but I just wasn’t feeling up for the whole “gardening” thing. And yet, when I look out in my garden what do I see but three little tomato plants. A couple of peppers too. Just leftover seeds from whatever I let die on the vine last year. And it reminds me, Cancer, that, sure, you may reap what you sow, but sometimes you also reap whatever just happens. And sometimes you get more than you deserve. Don’t forget that when you’re deciding who deserves to share the harvest.
LEO
I forget, Leo, how long does it take to boil an egg? Am I supposed to put the eggs in the cold water and then boil or drop them in once the boil starts? Should I salt the water to get the temperature up or is that gonna break my shells? Do I need vinegar or is that just for poaching? Tell you what, Leo, get back to me when you have all this info ready. I’m gonna swing by the drive thru at Ned’s Egg Shed. They always cook them just right. Plus the hash browns are perfect. Sometimes, Leo, it’s the day to learn to do it for yourself. Sometimes it’s the day to let Ned take care of it so you can get to work on other things.
VIRGO
Two styrofoam boxes of leftover beans and rice from your enchilada combo. Two round plastic containers of curry with the tofu picked out and one clamshell of stiffening noodles that used to have broccoli in them. Half a pack of fries that won’t reheat right. Half a coke with the ice melted. The fridge is packed but there’s nothing to eat for dinner, Virgo. Start by throwing out everything you know you won’t really eat. You’ve got to compost some bad decisions if you’re going to find the things that will keep you going for the next phase. Now you can see what’s really in there. And, hey, looks like that leftover chili from Thursday is gonna pair well with the potato you forgot you bought last month. You just have to clear the junk, Virgo. You’ve got what you need.
LIBRA
I can’t keep up with all these changes at the National Astrological Board. They just issued a statement that Libras no longer need to read a horoscope every week. They say once a month should be enough unless you have complicating factors like “chronic dissatisfaction” or “unspecified worry.” But you’re so well adjusted, Libra, that I can’t imagine you’ll need the extra astrological wisdom. Still, I don’t think it could hurt if you just want to drop by to check-in. Maybe you’ll see something you can use to encourage a Scorpio or correct a Sagittarius. Just don’t tell the dweebs at N.A.B. I said that. I could lose my license.
SCORPIO
There’s a man building a fence in my backyard. One of those tall privacy jobs. It’s not for me. It’s the new neighbors. I guess that old chain-link just wasn’t giving them enough solitude. I mean, sure, everytime I would step outside wearing nothing but a towel and my astrologer’s cap to stare into the night sky looking for answers, I knew they could see me from their kitchen window. But I thought it was community-building. I’ve heard something about better fences making better neighbors, and that might be true, Scorpio. But before you shut out any part of the world, make sure you have a plan to be the better neighbor once the fence is built.
SAGITTARIUS
Sometimes technology scares me, Sagittarius. I saw a video this week of a man outrunning a train to save a baby and then I found out it was all A.I. It never even happened. It was a made up man, a made up baby, and a made up train. But I believed it and that makes me not trust myself. And that kind of thing is going to keep happening, I guess. More and more ways to keep us from trusting our senses. I think the only way to fight back is by trusting each other. We have to make real connections with real people and then we have to believe that those can hold weight. And when they fail, we can forgive and move on. And that made up baby is just gonna have to wait.
CAPRICORN
I saw that new movie, Capricorn, and it’s exactly what you think. I more or less knew the whole plot just from the title. Not to mention that they gave away every twist in the trailer. But I’m still glad I went, Capricorn, because even without novelty or surprise, stories are worth telling. That goes for you, too. If you find yourself wanting to hold back or be quiet just because you’re afraid of being boring or under-planned, remember that we want to hear each other’s stories. We need to. You don’t even have to wait until the movie is over to tell us what you’ve got going on. We’ve seen this one before.
AQUARIUS
Twice a year in Hawaii the sun is positioned so directly overhead that nothing on the ground casts a shadow. It’s called Lahaina Noon and it’s stranger than it sounds. We’re so used to shadows as part of a scene that pictures from this solar event look fake. Like the artist forgot to add shading. I feel like we’re in a Lahaina period right now, Aquarius. Nothing is covered up, it’s all perfectly lit from above. It’s a great day to see the world for what it is. And while you’re at it, show the world who you are too.
PISCES
My friend has one of those self-driving cars. He says it works great, but he never really goes anywhere. He asked if I could pick up burgers and we could just hang at his place tonight. I’m grateful for the time together, but it would be fun if we could go out someplace else for once. Maybe he just finally reached the mountain top. He doesn’t really have to work anymore except for answering a few Slack messages and making a video for his subscribers. And now he doesn’t even have to steer anymore either. I wonder, Pisces, if it’s sometimes the challenges in life that keep us going. We need barriers to overcome or we won’t even want to go. Lucky for us, Pisces, those barriers just keep coming. Maybe you can steer around this one.
ARIES
Sometimes it feels like I’m just a day late to everything. For instance, I’m finally getting into watching sumo wrestling only to learn that Hakuhō Shō, one of the greatest sumo wrestlers of all time, retired four years ago. If I’d only gotten here sooner I could have seen him complete the 15th perfect zenshō-yūshō of his career in 2019. But I’m here now. And so is Ōnosato Daiki who finished 14-1 in the spring tournament, catapulting him to becoming the 75th Yokozuna in history. You can’t be where you wish you’d been, Aries. But you can be where you are.
TAURUS
There’s a “Now Hiring Experienced Cashiers” sign on the front door at my job. But nobody even told me we were looking for help. I cover the nights and Lonnie still works the mornings. I never see Cindy, but she works afternoons. Why would we need anybody else? Do you think they’re trying to replace me? Do you think I should apply? Is this because I forgot to vacuum last weekend? What if this is the end for me at Wandering Hills Super Video and Tan? How will I pay rent? Oh wait. I was trying to read it backwards through the door. The sign says “Now Honoring Expired Coupons.” It’s amazing how the mind can fill in the gaps, Taurus. What would happen if we just worked with the information we actually have?
Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained egg boiler or a verified AI. Listen to the Mr. Mysterio podcast at mrmysterio.com Or just give him a call at 707-VHS-TAN1.
