Hoboscopes: July 3, 2024

CANCER

So it turns out that maybe I overly identify my own experience as “the human experience.” I guess not everybody has had the advantages I’ve had (a working hatchback, a cousin at the apartment leasing office, and a Certificate of Astrological Competence from Professor Conundra’s School of the Future). It’s a stark realization, Cancer, that my life is so different from so many others. Still, I think it’s worth sharing our experiences and telling what we’ve learned — and even how it all makes us feel. We might be very different, Cancer, but we might find out our joys and sorrows slant the same.

LEO

Sounds like my neighbor bought more fireworks than he could use up in one night. As soon as the sun goes down it’ll start again. Booms, pops, fizzles, and thuds. Every 20 minutes or so, there’s a long pause and I think “that must have been the last one.” But sure enough, he’s got more. It’s a little bit like the crashes and bangs of outrageous fortune you’ve been under fire from this month, Leo. Just when you think they’re over, here comes another round. But like my neighbors stash, this onslaught won’t last much longer. And while the blasts keep coming, maybe we should all get together, grill some veggie dogs, and talk it over.

VIRGO

When I moved here I used to go to that coffee shop where you could get a refill for 50 cents on, like, an honors system. They would just set out a fresh pot next to a cup where you could drop in a couple of quarters and then fill up. I heard that place is going out of business, but I don’t think it’s because of the honors system. I think trusting people to do the right thing keeps us all alive. It’s the fear and doubt that make you scramble to get more than you need. Anyway, Virgo, if you want another round it’s on me. If everybody we look out for each other, everybody gets enough.

LIBRA

Look at that mossy log out there with all the turtles on it. Six of’em lined up with their necks stretched out, trying to soak up some sun. And everything was going great until one more turtle showed up and, yep…I can see it now, that log’s gonna tip over. They’re all going in! The temptation, Libra, is to blame the 7th turtle for shaking up such a serene scene. But much like Rose’s post-Titanic door-raft, I think there was room for one more if everybody would have just scooted over a little bit. Who are you making room for this week, Libra?

SCORPIO

The wasps are building a nest on the edge of my front porch. It’s kind of amazing to watch them making little paper hexagons and then they cover them up and a new wasp pops out all ready to fly around. And we’ve been getting along so far. No threats of stings from them. No threats of spray from me. I’m just watching them work on their little nest and complete their little interconnected waspy tasks. Honestly, Scorpio, it makes me feel a little lonely. Where’s my hive of interdependence? If you’re missing yours, Scorpio, give us a buzz. We’re probably due for a crafting party.

SAGITTARIUS

It’s hot, Sagittarius, and you need a pool! Everybody knows that the most efficient way to cool down in the summer is to purchase a home with a large backyard and then dig it up to put in a giant concrete bowl that you fill with heavily chlorinated water. If that’s not in your budget this summer, Sagittarius, you can get a large ice-cold Sloshee at the Wash-n-Win for just ninety-nine cents! Whichever option you choose, Sagittarius, I think you deserve more than a moment of refreshment today.

CAPRICORN

You know that feeling when you fall asleep while frantically scrawling equations onto the wall of the living room because you’re absolutely certain that you’ve got the answers to all the big problems but then when you wake up and your eyes finally focus, you can tell that it’s all just mathematical nonsense? Well, maybe that’s just me, Capricorn. Still, I just want to remind you that if you notice the things you were so sure about before don’t seem to make sense anymore, don’t be shy about setting those things aside. If you need to start over, there’s always more space on the wall in the den.

AQUARIUS

The guy in front of me in line at the donut shop says “it’s not so much the heat, it’s the humidity.” I guess in some ways he’s right, Aquarius. If it weren’t so humid the air wouldn’t feel so heavy in every breath and the sweat might evaporate off my arms and forehead and cool me down a little bit. And I guess getting specific about our own barriers to contentment is better than the sweeping generalizations we often default to. But remember that if you’re in line at the donut shop you are already getting closer to a moment of relief. So don’t forget to focus on the donuts in your life, Aquarius, as well as the humidity.

ARIES

In the late 17th century Sir Isaac Newton, working at home in England, discovered calculus. Before that, nobody knew what came after Algebra II. The even more remarkable thing, Aries, is that some time in that same decade in Germany, Gottfried Liebnitz also discovered calculus. And, sure, it’s amazing that they both independently invented the same mathematical field at the same time. But I’m more interested that they were asking the same questions to which calculus was the answer. Whatever questions you’re asking lately, somebody else out there has the same ones. Maybe you’ll get to an answer together.