Everybody knows that black bears hibernate during the winter. They enter a state of torpor in which their heart-rate, breathing and metabolism slow. They stop eating and live off stored fat while they sleep away the winter days. What you may not remember is that female black bears often begin hibernation pregnant. This allows young bears to be born at the beginning of spring so they have a whole season to grow and prepare for the next winter. If you’re feeling a pull to slow down for this season, it’s perfectly reasonable, Capricorn. You may even be incubating something new that can’t be rushed. Take your time and stay warm.
AQUARIUS
Nobody’s ready for my new take on Dracula! In this version, Dracula owns one of those used car vending machines where you buy the car online and they drive it to your house. So he falls in love with a line cook at the diner next door to his office and wants to turn them into a vampire but they won’t do it because the pay is better at the diner. Anyway, Aquarius, you’ve been hung up on details this week and I appreciate that. But there are infinite ways of telling the same story. I think you know what your role is here and who else is on your team. The rest will work itself out. Oh, and in my version, Renfield is the guy who cleans out the grease traps!
PISCES
I like those movies where somebody comes back from the future to warn the present about how everything is about to go wrong. There’s always only one way to stop all the terrible things from happening and only one person who can do it! But I think that’s not quite right, Pisces. I think the future is probably something we all build together. And I think whatever small thing you do today that makes somebody’s life better, is kind of like saving the world. So even in it doesn’t seem like enough, everything good thing you do makes the future less scary. I’ll try to do something too.
ARIES
My grandmother made the best pancakes. We’d wake up to the smell of batter in the skillet. And she always said the third pancake was the best. So the three of us would run to the table and she’d finish the first one and, as excited as we were for a pancake, we’d each say “I can wait.” Then we’d fight over the third one while the first two cooled on their plates. You know that good things are worth waiting for, Aries. But remember that good things are also worth sharing. And sometimes a bite of perfection is enough before you switch over to the good enough pancake number 2.
TAURUS
Ever since I moved into this place I’ve thought I should get a curtain for the bathroom window. But the glass is textured and frosted opaque, so I’ve always assumed nobody can really see anything through it except a little light. But yesterday when the landlord came to fix the bathroom fan I happened to be walking outside. His silhouette was so defined I could count the buttons on his overalls. People might know more about you than you think, Taurus, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Instead of trying to cultivate an image, why not tell your neighbors who you are. You get to be more authentically yourself and, besides, they may have already seen it.
GEMINI
You can’t surprise me, Gemini, I had a phone before there was caller-ID. I mean, can you believe there ever was such a time? It would ring and you’d think “I wonder who that could be?” and you’d just answer it with zero information about what might happen next. It could be a family member or a friend. It might be somebody making plans or just an hour long catch-up that you weren’t expecting but found you had the time for. Now all my phone calls are texts and if I want to talk to a friend, we have to schedule an appointment two weeks out. But that isn’t how it has to be, Gemini. Change your plans and make a connection this week. Reach out and touch someone.
CANCER
They just released all the nominations for best movie of the year. I’ve only seen one of them, but I think I’ve still got time to catch up. Oooh, I heard this one’s good and it’s streaming already for $3.99. Wait a second, you expect me to pay $3.99 to see a movie on a service I already pay for? I won’t do it, Cancer. I’ll just watch another episode of The Real Tax Accountants of Akron, Ohio. Yes it’s boring and predictable and a waste of an hour, but at least it doesn’t cost four bucks! Wait a second, Cancer, what am I doing? Don’t spend a lot of time doing things that make you feel worse when you could spend a little money for something you actually like.
LEO
Do you have a flashlight, Leo? Not the one on your phone, like, a real flashlight? I’m just asking because my power is out and I don’t want to waste my phone battery, but it would be nice to be able to see what’s in front of me. I thought I was prepared, but it turns out all my emergency processes were pretty reliant on a stable power grid. It’s like that sometimes, Leo. We put too many of our eggs in the same fragile basket. But if we’ve got a neighbor with a flashlight and a willingness to ask, well that’s a good place to start.
VIRGO
I was doing great on my plan to exercise every day this year and then that storm hit. Can’t very well do my daily jousting-routine in the park when there’s ice all over the place. That’s why I’m still at home staring at my phone. You know, for safety. This reminds me, Virgo, that it’s absolutely fine to hit a bump in your routine. Sometimes circumstances are beyond our control. Sometimes emotions are. But it’s a good day to think about a pivot. Maybe your practice lance won’t fit in your kitchen, but could you do your routine with a broom? Perhaps.
LIBRA
They said to “dress for the job you want” but I can’t afford any of the space helmets on e-Bay right now. I guess I’ll go with pajamas again. It might not be a season to reach for the stars, Libra. It might be a season to get cozy and dream. Give yourself permission to rest. Even if just for today, Libra. Let your brain get off-task and undistracted and get creative. Tomorrow the space helmet market might dip and then you can take your opportunity.
SCORPIO
I went to check on the weather, but first I clicked on a link that said “Burning Cities Star Miles Donald Wilkerson Slams Producers of Prop Comedy Roulette! for ‘Stolen Valour’” That really got my attention because I didn’t know what any of those things were. But it got me thinking, Scorpio, why is every celebrity news story a “slams” or a “blasts” or a “destroys” doesn’t anybody ever just remark or comment anymore? We all know it’s just about the clicks, Scorpio, but we click anyway. Just remember, you don’t really need to know what everybody else is feeling all the time. Make sure you know what you’re feeling first.
SAGITTARIUS
I like to sleep cold, all snug under a heavy blanket, so some winter nights I leave the heat off on purpose. Sure, I wake up to a chilly nose and indoor temps in the high 40s, but that can be reversed pretty quickly. It reminds me, Sagittarius, that not everybody has the luxury of flipping a switch and hearing that heater kick-on. Our preferences can be so finely-tuned but let them always be a reminder of what others may not be able to decide and help us act accordingly.
Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained weather-vane, or a certified snowplow. Want more? Visit mrmysterio.com Or just give him a call at 707-VHS-TAN1.
