Hoboscopes: April 26, 2023

TAURUS

Once upon a time, Taurus, way before you were born and maybe just a week after they invented countries and armies and apologizing (in that order), there was a king who was unhappy. All the kings have been pretty unhappy ever since. So while you’re sipping your second poolside daiquiri and wondering why you don’t feel better than you do, keep in mind that power and status and control don’t bring happiness. At least not since before they invented countries and kings. So if that won’t do it, Taurus, what will? Sit still until you know.

GEMINI

Once upon a time, Taurus, way before you were born and maybe just a week after they invented countries and armies and apologizing (in that order), there was a king who was unhappy. All the kings have been pretty unhappy ever since. So while you’re sipping your second poolside daiquiri and wondering why you don’t feel better than you do, keep in mind that power and status and control don’t bring happiness. At least not since before they invented countries and kings. So if that won’t do it, Taurus, what will? Sit still until you know.

CANCER

Once upon a time, Taurus, way before you were born and maybe just a week after they invented countries and armies and apologizing (in that order), there was a king who was unhappy. All the kings have been pretty unhappy ever since. So while you’re sipping your second poolside daiquiri and wondering why you don’t feel better than you do, keep in mind that power and status and control don’t bring happiness. At least not since before they invented countries and kings. So if that won’t do it, Taurus, what will? Sit still until you know.

LEO

Once upon a time, Taurus, way before you were born and maybe just a week after they invented countries and armies and apologizing (in that order), there was a king who was unhappy. All the kings have been pretty unhappy ever since. So while you’re sipping your second poolside daiquiri and wondering why you don’t feel better than you do, keep in mind that power and status and control don’t bring happiness. At least not since before they invented countries and kings. So if that won’t do it, Taurus, what will? Sit still until you know.

VIRGO

Once upon a time, Taurus, way before you were born and maybe just a week after they invented countries and armies and apologizing (in that order), there was a king who was unhappy. All the kings have been pretty unhappy ever since. So while you’re sipping your second poolside daiquiri and wondering why you don’t feel better than you do, keep in mind that power and status and control don’t bring happiness. At least not since before they invented countries and kings. So if that won’t do it, Taurus, what will? Sit still until you know.

LIBRA

Once upon a time, Taurus, way before you were born and maybe just a week after they invented countries and armies and apologizing (in that order), there was a king who was unhappy. All the kings have been pretty unhappy ever since. So while you’re sipping your second poolside daiquiri and wondering why you don’t feel better than you do, keep in mind that power and status and control don’t bring happiness. At least not since before they invented countries and kings. So if that won’t do it, Taurus, what will? Sit still until you know.

SCORPIO

Once upon a time, Taurus, way before you were born and maybe just a week after they invented countries and armies and apologizing (in that order), there was a king who was unhappy. All the kings have been pretty unhappy ever since. So while you’re sipping your second poolside daiquiri and wondering why you don’t feel better than you do, keep in mind that power and status and control don’t bring happiness. At least not since before they invented countries and kings. So if that won’t do it, Taurus, what will? Sit still until you know.

SAGITTARIUS

Once upon a time, Taurus, way before you were born and maybe just a week after they invented countries and armies and apologizing (in that order), there was a king who was unhappy. All the kings have been pretty unhappy ever since. So while you’re sipping your second poolside daiquiri and wondering why you don’t feel better than you do, keep in mind that power and status and control don’t bring happiness. At least not since before they invented countries and kings. So if that won’t do it, Taurus, what will? Sit still until you know.

CAPRICORN

Once upon a time, Taurus, way before you were born and maybe just a week after they invented countries and armies and apologizing (in that order), there was a king who was unhappy. All the kings have been pretty unhappy ever since. So while you’re sipping your second poolside daiquiri and wondering why you don’t feel better than you do, keep in mind that power and status and control don’t bring happiness. At least not since before they invented countries and kings. So if that won’t do it, Taurus, what will? Sit still until you know.

AQUARIUS

Once upon a time, Taurus, way before you were born and maybe just a week after they invented countries and armies and apologizing (in that order), there was a king who was unhappy. All the kings have been pretty unhappy ever since. So while you’re sipping your second poolside daiquiri and wondering why you don’t feel better than you do, keep in mind that power and status and control don’t bring happiness. At least not since before they invented countries and kings. So if that won’t do it, Taurus, what will? Sit still until you know.

PISCES

Once upon a time, Taurus, way before you were born and maybe just a week after they invented countries and armies and apologizing (in that order), there was a king who was unhappy. All the kings have been pretty unhappy ever since. So while you’re sipping your second poolside daiquiri and wondering why you don’t feel better than you do, keep in mind that power and status and control don’t bring happiness. At least not since before they invented countries and kings. So if that won’t do it, Taurus, what will? Sit still until you know.

ARIES

Once upon a time, Taurus, way before you were born and maybe just a week after they invented countries and armies and apologizing (in that order), there was a king who was unhappy. All the kings have been pretty unhappy ever since. So while you’re sipping your second poolside daiquiri and wondering why you don’t feel better than you do, keep in mind that power and status and control don’t bring happiness. At least not since before they invented countries and kings. So if that won’t do it, Taurus, what will? Sit still until you know.