Mr. Mysterio | The Contributor

Hoboscopes: March 11, 2026

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained astronomer, or a certified mop technician.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained herbologist, or a certified tea-guy.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained weather-vane, or a certified snowplow.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained all-weather tire, or a certified pillow tester.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained microwave soup chef, or a certified pachyderm orthodontist.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained poinsettia detoxifier, or a certified windshield wiper technician.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained turkey baster, or a certified lightbulb changer.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained birdwatcher, or a certified jeans-guy.

Every time the warm breeze blows, an army of crunchy brown leaves comes marching down my street.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained detective, or an authorized werewolf.