So, we’ve got another credit card offer, a couple of pizza coupons, and an advertisement for a travel magazine. How can there be so much mail in the box and none of it matters one bit? I mean, it’s all got your name right on the front. The mailman brought it to your address. You would assume it would have something to do with you. Don’t get to obsessed with this stream of the inconsequential, Cancer. When something relevant happens you’ll know. Don’t spend so much time sifting through the precycling for something meaningful.
LEO
The flight home is always so much different than the flight you came in on. There’s less tension and a feeling of less time. The anxiety of travel has lifted and the uneasiness of coming home as a changed traveller settles in. But, the time you took to relax will go home with you, Leo. You get to keep everything you’ve gained. So go ahead and put your seat-back and tray-table in their full upright and locked positions. Settle in and watch the familiar horizon grow closer. Home won’t feel the same when you know just how much you’ve changed.
VIRGO
I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said “do one thing everyday that scares you.” I’ve always liked that advice. Not just because of the sentiment of bravely taking on all those things we fear the most, but also because of the limitation. Mrs. Roosevelt doesn’t ask that we tackle our entire list of fears in one sitting. She didn’t suggest doing four frightening things a day or doing something terrifying every 15 minutes. Remember, Virgo, that if you’ve already done something scary today, you’ve already met your quota.
LIBRA
There are many who claim to have invented the corndog. The Fletcher brothers of Texas say they were the first, serving their “corny dogs” as early as 1938. The Pronto Pup of Minnesota says they invented it in 1941. Cozy Dog in Illinois doesn’t care who birthed the battered and fried weiner, but they take full credit for adding the wooden stick in 1946. You may not get credit for all your great ideas, Libra, but think of the corndog and share them anyway.
SCORPIO
Sometimes even the best amateur astrologers forego the maps of stars and planetary cycles and just check in with the national weather service. It looks like it’s going to be hot. Really, really hot. Too hot, in fact. But what my highly specialized astrological training tells me is that this heat can’t keep up forever. Whatever it is that’s wearing you out, the weather is bound to change eventually. Pour yourself a tall glass of water, crank up the A/C and wait this wave out.
SAGITTARIUS
Summer is a time to have fun outside and cut loose in the sunshine. So why is it so easy to spend all Saturday hiding in bed with the A/C blasting and the lights turned off? It’s the summertime blues, Sagittarius, and there ain’t no cure. The good news is, these blues only last for a season. Learn what you can while you’re low. When you’re back on top, you’ll remember.
CAPRICORN
I love big 4th of July sundown fireworks shows! But I’m not a big fan of 19th of July midnight fireworks shows from the dudes in the house next door. Call me a curmudgeon, but I need some sleep. This week, Capricorn, remember that everything has its day and it’s hour, especially if you live next door to me.
AQUARIUS
It may feel like you’ve hit a wall, Aquarius, but that’s the first step in learning how to climb. It may feel like barriers to your success are popping up all over, but I think you’re just about to find out what’s on the other side. So, find something in this new obstacle that you can grab onto and start pulling yourself up. Once you get over this, you’ll be smarter, stronger, more resilient and your arms will look awesome.
PISCES
People are always telling you that there’s more to hope for. But it’s hard to believe it lately. Every time you get hopeful that things are going to change they just come crashing down again and you wish you’d never hoped in the first place. But maybe that’s not really hope. Maybe that’s expectation. Hope is about believing in possibilities. Expectation is about trying to control the outcomes. When you expect something, you grasp for it. When you hope, you let it land gently in your open palm.
ARIES
You remind me of the marigolds that pop up out of my old flower bed every year. Whether I replant the seeds or not, whether I give them any care, they always volunteer their services. They seem to thrive on neglect. The less I cultivate them, the harder they work to get my attention. And I love those marigolds, but really, Aries, they deserve better. You do too. If you’re doing all the work and you aren’t getting the care you need, this is a good time to say so.
TAURUS
At the end of a long day my eyes are still stinging with chlorine and my sunburned belly is over-filled with hotdog buns, but I have to say I’m glad I went to that neighborhood pool party. I can’t even remember what else I was planning to do today, but I know I won’t forget the choice I made. That’s the thing about your schedule, Cancer. Sometimes it keeps you in line with your goals but sometimes you have to let it go if you want to find out what you want your next goal to be.
GEMINI
The tarantula hawk is neither a tarantula nor a hawk. In fact, the tarantula hawk is a large but confusingly-named wasp that hunts tarantulas and hijacks their bodies as a nest for their eggs and food source for their newly-hatched larva. Pretty creepy. It’s also a good reminder that you can’t always believe what’s on the label. This week, Gemini, pay attention to actions more than words. Unless you want to end up as an unsuspecting meal for baby wasps.
Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a certified aerialist, or a registered private investigator. Want more? Visit mrmysterio.com Or just give him a call at 707-VHS-TAN1.
These Hoboscopes were first published in The Contributor in our July 2018 issue.
